Thursday, July 26, 2007

Contest Protest !!


There has been a protest lodged against an obviously slanted contest here in the CNMI during the running of which illegal discrimination was practiced. On it’s face it becomes clear that the three bottom positions of the recent Sexiest Blogger Contest were occupied by Walt, an African American , Bruce and Older American (okay an old fart curmudgeon White Guy) , and Gus, a guy errr …named Gus. A case could also be made that those with hair placement issues (Jeff and Harry – an obvious misnomer) were also treated unfairly.

So we think that some form of vote miscounting, ballot box stuffing, perhaps outright vote buying and rigging schemes prevented those minority groups from being properly represented. Not enough public access was allowed Black/White/Gus and possibly Hairless Guys and this kind of blatant discriminatory conduct should not be allowed to exit in our egalitarian society.

I, errr , we hereby demand a recount and we demand some puff votes be pushed our way affirmative action wise and just because we are good guys wise. We, okay I, hereby call for a recount and we also think it unfair to have these young pup whippersnappers over represented in the contest. We believe that actual sexy guys (or possibly sexy guys) like Brad should be excluded because their presence skews the bell curve and besides it is unfair to compare those who might be a bit fitness challenged with those cheaters who eat right and work out etc.

We think it is demeaning to the other participants to only vote for those actually sexy contestants. Stand up for equality. Stand up for the rights of the downtrodden. Stand up and sell your votes to the right sort of guys. You know, Older, Darker, Lighter, Less Hirsute Guys. We think the contest should be rerun with somewhat less intimidating competition. We nominate Groucho Marx (dead), Keith Richards (nearly dead), Jerry Garcia (gratefully dead, and somewhat smelly). We also think some other, closer to moderate on the sexiness scale entrants would be more appropriate and would not hold the rest of us up as sexual objects to be ridiculed and drooled over by the opposite or any other sex. So we nominate Pogo, and the midget guy from Fantasy Island.

With you sense of fairness restored, by force if necessary, we think you will cast your votes as they should have been originally cast, that is FOR ME errrr US !


bradinthesand said...

the ballot box wasn't stuffed but i did put a sock in my pants

glend558 said...

You said, What did you say?

Jeff said...

It's machine politics. Brad got the Ambramoff/Bush/NAMBLA endoresement and we were all cooked.

bigsoxfan said...

Well, some shennigans you all have been up too, while I was gone. Such a brutal campaign.
I found another use for my Mongolian Money clip. We were riding in a cab to the train station, when the driver passed a couple of cars. As soon as he hit 80kph the front end went nuts, the dude was giving the wheel half turns and was on the edge of losing it. A conversation ensued between my father in law and the driver. The gist of it; I hoped was "slow down, and fix your wheel bearings." He pulled out to pass again, but didn't go fast enough to lose it, but I wasn't real happy. So, I started cleaning under my nails with the pointy end of the money clip. I figured he might think I was a little pissed at his car and his driving. No luck, as soon as he hit seventy plus again, I had to pull the car out of gear and pound on the dashboard, while yelling some choice obscentities. Erdene's translation managed to get the guy to slow down. Turns out the conversation with father in law, was only the driver asking, if dad Mashbatt, could feel a problem in the rear end? Not a multi tasker.

Bruce A. Bateman said...

Note to self: make a trip to the Walmart sock department before the next contest.


If you are ever unlucky enough to find yourself in the same situation, Mark, I suggest using the anti-theft money clip to carve large chunks out of the upholstry and dashboard, thus gaining the attention of the driver. Then apply a substantial cuff to the side of his head to ensure compliance with reasonable safety precautions.